Blue Monday

**edit**

Tiffany is now in her final resting spot.

The tears flowed.

Everyone has been so supportive.

For a little while, I started to feel better. But now I don't know where to go from here.

Times are so hard right now.

I hope that, in time, things will begin to make sense to me.

**un-edit**


Today we will lay Tiffany to rest.

I can't cry. And it's not that I'm not sad. I am more depressed, devastated, angry, confused, guilt-stricken, tired, and lonely than I have ever been in my life. But, for some reason, even as I see all those around me in tears, I don't cry. And its not that I'm holding back, either. I would welcome tears. I feel like I am crying so hard on the inside but maybe I haven't any tears left to cry? This is all so frustrating and so unfair to Tiff.

I'm so scared about today. I don't know what to expect. I just want it to be over with so we all can work on healing.

I feel like every day since Thursday has been a nightmare. It seems so unreal. I wake up every morning feeling like a completely different person in an alternate reality. I hate this.

I would give ANYTHING to go back to my old life, even if just for one day.